Long time

So I don't have a lot of time to write right now, but it's been awhile since I've blogged anything so I thought I would type up a quick little update. Things are going pretty well, we potty trained Katie this week, it's been awesome, she's done really well. She's only had three or four "wet" accidents and NO poopy accidents. It's been awesome!!! It's funny how excited parents get over seeing a poop or pee in the toilet. A week ago Katie said she had to go potty (she had been going every 5-10 minutes all day and she wasn't doing anything) so I let her go and left her to it. After a while she told me she needed me for a minute. So I went in there expecting to just help her get off the toilet. When I went in she said she had peed "Yeah right" is what I'm thinking. So I look in the toilet and I see toilet paper so then I'm getting annoyed because she wasted toilet paper. Then in the bottom I see a poop, and I started freaking out, I said "Katie you pooped!!" and then I started laughing and jumping up and down with Katie and hugging her. Katie just got this big huge grin on her face and looked at me like what the heck got in to you? It was really funny!! But she's been going now for a week and this morning her pull up was totally dry, so we'll see how it goes at night, but she's pretty much potty trained, its awesome!!! Let's see, Zoe has started crawling on her hands and knees, until she really wants to start moving, then she reverts back to the army crawl. She's started to attempt to pull herself up to things, and she said hi a couple of times now. The other major thing going on right now is that we found a family to rent the house in Elk Ridge which has meant double time work on the home to get it ready for them to move into this weekend!! It's been crazy insane!! Well, I'll be posting some fun pictures we've taken recently so be on the lookout, until then enjoy life!!

Funny

So I found this video while I was going through and labeling all the movies we have on our computer. I think it's so cute! I had put Hailey's hair in curlers because she wanted me to. She looked so cute! She is such a fun little girl to have around the house, she can be a real sweetheart! I hope you enjoy these as much as I did, the end of the video is my favorite part. I also decided to post some of the pictures I took of her with the curlers in, she looked so cute, but weird because it made her look more grown up.

Birthday fun, and misery

Zoe's birthday went well and we'd like to thank everyone who came over to help celebrate her birthday with us. She absolutely LOVED her cake, she ate two whole pieces of cake and she ate it all! She got a few outfits and a puzzle, it's quite interesting shopping for her, we bought her a short sleeved onesie that's a 3-6 month size, two long sleeved onesies that are size 6 months and a pair of pants that's size 9 months. All for my 12 month old daughter! It's kind of irritating buying clothes for her, but we did end up finding cute stuff, let's just say I'll be shopping at Target for most of her clothes. They had so many cute clothes there, it was hard to pick something out for her. However, turning one also comes with it's downfalls: the one year checkup!!


So I took her to the doctor today and he was a little concerned about her growth, so he called the pediatrician to see if we needed to take her to an endocrinologist to see if she has growth hormone deficiencies. After talking with him he told me they'll wait until she's two and then if she hasn't seen much growth then we'll have to go up to Children's Primary Center to see an endocrinologist. But they wanted to take a few blood samples to test her for some other things. So then he left and they gave her 5 shots, they've been out of the hemoglobin shot so she hasnt' been getting those, she also got a TB shot in her arm. Then we had to take her to have her blood drawn. They had me bring her into their "emergency room" and had me lay her down on the table and then they put the needle in her arm. Poor Zoe, this definately wasn't a very fun doctor visit. I handled everything fine until I got to the van and then I just started bawling. I don't mind having small kids, but I'm so tired of worrying that there's possibly something wrong with her. My doctor made it seem like even if she did have growth hormone deficiencies that it wasn't that big of a deal and he told me his daughter actually had this problem and she just needed to have shots. Zoe is off the charts in weight which she has been since her 3 month checkup but she's been going up. Her height dropped from the 50% down to 5% so maybe that's why he was a little concerned.


Anyway, here are some of the pictures that we took yesterday and a video of her eating her cake. There's two of them, the first is when I first gave it to her and the second I handed the camera to my wonderful sister-in-law LeeAnn so I could help dish up the cake. Both are so cute!!

It ups my chances!

On October 15 a new website will be opening! It has all kinds of really cute handbags. If you go check it out right now you can enter to win a free one!! www.handbagplanet.com

Accomplishments

So this morning at about 7:00 I was lying in bed thinking I was awake (in retrospect I was still very much asleep) and I was writing a blog in my head. I was thinking about what I wanted to blog but I was actually watching my fingers hit each note on the keyboard. Then I would drive myself crazy because I was going too slow so I would just start saying what I wanted to write. It was very bizarre!! Anyway, so I wanted to take a moment to talk about a huge accomplishment I've made, and I hope this blog doesn't make anyone feel bad (I'll explain why later).

For the past year I have been able to breastfeed Zoe, this is a HUGE accomplishment for me and a HUGE testimony builder as well. Let me explain why, I wasn't able to nurse my first two girls. I nursed Hailey for three weeks and the last two days were terrible but I didn't dare tell Randy I didn't want to nurse her anymore (I'm not particularly sure why). But I finally told him I would rather bash my head in with a rock then feed her. Thankfully he was very understanding (I was serious about the bashing head thing). So the whole experience with Hailey wasn't good, then I had Katie and while I was in the hospital I had a really hard time with it. I remember I felt like I started right where I finished off with Hailey. The nurses had the lactation consultant come in and she was there for 45 minutes and she was insane! I was so frustrated by the time she left that I just broke down and bawled for about 45 minutes. So while I was in the hospital I decided that I wanted to enjoy this baby and I didn't think I would be able to if I nursed her. Well, I always felt a little guilty that I didn't really give her a good try, so when I was pregnant with Zoe I decided that I was really going to give it my best shot. Here comes the testimony building part. As the due date got closer I kept telling Randy that I didn't want any help from nurses or anybody, if I was going to nurse her it would be between me, Zoe and the Lord. For any of you who have had children, most the time the nurses will ask you if it's your first child or not, then they usually ask if you are breastfeeding, or not. Well, they asked me if this was my first, I would tell them, no this is my third. Then they would ask if I was breastfeeding, when I told them yes, I think they figured that I had nursed the other two and that I was a pro. Thankfully no one asked if I nursed the other two, until they were giving me the "checkout" speeches. Anyway, I remember while I was in the hospital I would pray for help before I nursed her. It sounds a little stupid, but I was kind of scared to nurse Zoe because of my prior experiences. I remember the day after I had her was a particularly bad day. I was lonely and I really wanted Randy with me but he was home with the other two and we didn't have a babysitter. I was having a hard time with nursing her and I was getting very frustrated. So I prayed and I told myself I needed to relax, so I listened to my I-pod nano and looked out the window at the scenery. I also had to erase everything I had read or heard about nursing and just went on instincts, best thing I did I think.

Anyway, to make an already long story short, I've been able to nurse Zoe this whole time and it's such an amazing thing for me. I still can't believe sometimes that I was actually able to do it. I can't say I've always enjoyed it, in fact about 6 months ago I wanted to stop soooo bad, but I knew I would regret it. Now, I'm a little sad to think I'll be done. Now the reason I hope this doesn't offend anyone is because it's pushed so hard everywhere to nurse your baby, and I believe it causes feelings of failure for those that can't breastfeed. For anyone who hasn't been able to or didn't want to breastfeed their baby, I know how you feel. I have been on both sides of this issue and I know from personal experience, breastfeeding isn't for everyone. It's not an easy thing, and if you can't nurse your child, DON"T EVER LET ANYONE MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY!! Breastfeeding your child isn't the most important thing in life, what's important is that your baby is loved!! It always bugs me when women are so fixed on one way or the other! Anyway, this whole experience has been a testimony builder that when you really put your life in Heavenly Fathers hands, trust in him, and fully accept that you can't do it without him you can do anything!!

I am thankful for my little one, and for her presence in our home this past year. I'm thankful to my Heavenly Father for the help I have received with her and with my other two children. I love my family so much, they mean the world to me. I'm thankful to all my friends, for your love and support. I'm also grateful for my extended family and my in-laws, they are all wonderful!!
So, this post has been kind of a weird one, oh well, I guess it suits me then doesn't it!!

Getting Ready

So this Sunday is Zoe's first birthday, I can't believe it's already here! I have so much housework to get done before then and it's just simply INSANE!!! It wouldn't be so bad, but for the past week or so I've been really depressed, which makes it hard to do anything. It's amazing how many people my depression affects, when I dealt with depression in highschool it didn't seem like such a big deal. It wasn't fun, but it was much easier to deal with then! I finally decided that I need to talk to my doctor, so when I take Zoe to the doctor on Monday I am going to talk to him and see if he'll prescribe me something. This has been a very hard decision for me to make, I think that women have this tendency to feel like they are failures if they admit that they need help. It's so sad, because anyone suffering from depression just isn't themselves, and if they get help they start to feel normal again. I don't know if medication will help, but I definately don't think it will hurt. I'm kind of excited, if it helps it will be such a blessing!! I hate who I become when I'm depressed, I'm not a good mom, wife or homemaker. It's terrible!! Anyway, hopefully I didn't put a damper on anyones spirits that read this!

Anyway, not much of an exciting post, but I don't really have time to make it cutesy, as I said above, I have a LOT of work to do before Sunday. My next post will be all sorts of fun though, because I will have pictures of Zoe's birthday, I can't tell you how excited I am to watch her eat her first piece of cake, I think she'll tear into more than the other two did. Well, hope you have a great day (or night depending on when you are reading this) and come back soon to see pictures of Zoe with her cake!!

Friends

Our good friends the Grimes (not related), all these pictures are kind of old.

Heather with her kids, they feel asleep and they were holding hands
Marc, what a goof ball!
Hannah and Hailey
Heather holding Zoe

How come in life we seem to always take what we have for granted, and we don't realize how much it means to us until it's gone? Lately I have really missed our good friends Marc and Heather Grimes, they moved to Salt Lake and it's not that far away, but it might as well be in another state. This past week has been especially hard, Randy and I love to have people over to play games, or watch a movie, or just hang out. The problem is, we don't have very many friends, and there have been a few we've hung out with, but I've realized there's no one like the Grimes family. Our kids played so great together, and we got along so well with Marc and Heather, in fact Marc has been like a brother to Randy, and it was so much fun to see them together (for those that don't know, Randy doesn't have any brothers). It's just amazing how much you don't realize how much you care about someone till there gone. So, Heather, I just want to thank you for being such a good friend to me, I'm sure it's not always easy to be my friend. I know many times I talked your ear off and didn't let you say much, and for those times, I'm sorry, I wish I would have asked more questions and listened a little better. But on the same token, thank you so much for listening to me, it meant the world to me! I'm sorry we didn't make more of an effort to come see you guys more while you were in Orem. We miss you like crazy!! And we love you guys, hopefully we'll get to see you soon, I think we seriously want to plan a time in the next month or two when we can come up and see you guys.

Anyway, sorry for this odd post, but lately I have been feeling very lonely, which is ridiculous, I am surrounded by people! I just think I miss the kind of friendships you have in highschool, or college, or when you work with people. I just miss having a really close girlfriend. They really are a gift from Heaven when you find a good one! I hope no one takes offense to this blog, I do have a lot of good friends, and I love each of you! I should be a better friend and call all of my good friends, but sometimes it's hard for me. My two really good friends from highschool (Annie, and Holly) are some of the best friends ever, but because I feel so different in my life circumstances (I have three kids they don't have any) I sometimes feel out of place. It's funny how your current stage in life changes how you feel the world looks at you. I wish I could just see myself as Jessica, but instead I categorize myself as a mom. Now please don't misunderstand what I'm saying, I love being a mom, I love my daughters so much and they give so much to my life! But sometimes I think I get too caught up in that and I don't know how to just be me. I don't know if this makes any sense at all, it probably doesn't. I just wish I saw myself as Jessica, who is a mom instead of a Mom who is Jessica. I really don't know how to explain what I've been feeling lately, so sorry about this blog, it probably doesn't make a lot of sense, but it's always nice to express how I feel.