Death, faith, and other ramblings

So my grandma's husband died on Sunday and they are flying his body back to California tomorrow for the funeral and burial. So Walkers let my grandma have family come for a while today and see his body. I didn't really know him very well (this was my grandma's second husband) but I went to support my grandma. There was a small group there, and we just stood around visiting and stuff. Then we all moved outside because we were going to be done, but my brother was coming over from Springville (we were at Walkers in Spanish Fork) so we waited. When he got there we went in to see him again, there was just me, my mom, my brother, and my grandma. I got really emotional standing there in this little group watching her touch his hair, his face, moving his fingers, and other stuff. It was such an odd experience to stand there and look at him, it just seemed so unreal. He looked asleep and it was almost as if I expected him to get up and walk around. My emotions weren't so much because of losing him (again, I didn't know him very well) but it just struck me hard as I watched my grandma touching him that one day that's going to be me. I'm going to be smoothing my sweethearts hair down, and touching his face and hands in an attempt to say goodbye. It will also happen as I bury my parents, brothers, sisters, or who ever preceeds me in death. It was such an odd moment, then it brought back memories of seeing my father-in-law lying in his coffin with all his temple clothes on and it was almost more then I could handle. Death is such a funny thing, it's a double edged sword in certain circumstances. When they suffer in this life preceeding death it is always such a blessing to see them go, but you're sad because you're going to miss them. It makes me appreciate this gospel sooo much, I can't imagine how people handle death without it.

This is such a random blog and my thoughts seem so jumbled up, I hope it makes sense. Things are going all right, I'm still looking for a job, hopefully I'll find one soon if that's what is supposed to happen. In one way I hope I don't find one, because I can't imagine doing one more thing on top of all my other responsibilities. Other the other hand, however, I'm excited for the little break it would give me from the house and all the things I deal with here. We'll just have to see how it goes. You know, if you really think about it, life truly is such a faith building experience, it's not always easy, but we really do learn to trust that Heavenly Father is in control of everything we go through. He loves us, and he is SO aware of all the things we go through. He is so willing to help us, all we have to do is ask. It's not always easy, and sometimes pride gets in the way and makes us fall backward, but all He asks for is ONE step forward and he'll help us make more. I am so grateful for this knowledge in my life, I love this gospel so much, I'm so thankful for the path it's helped me stay on and the decisions I've made in my life because of it. It's a wonderful thing!!