4th of July

This 4th of July was different than any we've ever had. We decided we'd go to the Temple to watch the Stadium of Fire fireworks. So we went to the field just below the Temple, we were with Randy's family (his mom, Sam, Justin, and Weslie) and my mom also went. We had fun, we played frisbee and fill or bust and just talked. We ran into the Grimes family so we said hi to them. Well while we were playing our game my mother in law asked where Zoe was. So I looked around for her and I couldn't see her, so I asked my sister and brother-in-law if they knew where she was. Randy had gone to the car to grab a flash light so I was going to call him to see if he'd taken Zoe with him, but then I didn't because he wouldn't have taken her. You guessed it, she had wandered off. This was a big crowd and it was dark. So we all split up to look for her, we started asking people if they had seen a little girl walk past. I was really trying to stay calm but I was starting to freak out. I went back to where we were sitting to see if anyone had found her, they hadn't but my brother-in-law asked what she was wearing so he could describe her to people. Then we headed out again. Finally Randy came back and was looking around with his flashlight. To make a long excruciating story short, my brother-in-law Justin found her. She was at the top of the hill (we were pretty much at the bottom) just reaching the sidewalk and it looked like she was getting ready to cross the street. As soon as we heard them shouting to us that they found her I grabbed Randy and just started bawling. I was so relieved to find her!! When Justin brought her to us she was just grinning like nothing in the world was wrong. Little stinker, she was probably having a ball because no one was telling her to stop, or making her turn around and walk the other way. That little one loves to walk, and she hates being told where to go.

Since then, I can't stop thinking about the what ifs, and then I feel this huge amount of guilt. How could I have let that happen? Why was I not paying closer attention? I feel like the worst parent ever! We were actually really really lucky to find her, I still can't believe it. I am so grateful that we did. When I said my prayer that night I think most of it was thank you thank you thank you!! I feel so blessed that Heavenly Father watched out for us and led us to Zoe. I can't even imagine what I would have done if we hadn't found her. I love her so much!

She woke up last night about 4:30 and after holding her for a minute I tried laying her back down. I thought I'd gotten away with it but before I got back to bed she was crying again, and in trying to get out of her crib, she fell out. So I ran in and picked her up and sat on the floor and held her. After I calmed her down I just sat there feeling so lucky that I had her in my arms. I honestly don't know what I would do if we had lost her, especially since it would have been my fault. I'm not sure how I would have gotten through that. The 10 or 20 minutes (I'm really not sure how long she was missing, it felt like forever!) that she was gone was bad enough! I truly hope I never have another experience like that again.