Thursday, March 5, 2009
The deepest dark
I just want to feel like I'm not alone in the way I feel and the things I think. I want to feel like I'm loved and accepted for who I am even though I make mistakes. I know I can say the wrong thing and I know I make mistakes and hurt peoples feelings, but I wish they knew I was only human. I wish I felt my Saviors love for me, I wish I knew it was ok not to be perfect. I wish I felt like I had a grip on myself and my life. I wish I was a better mom, I wish I could make all the bad thoughts go away. I wish I could walk in the light all the time, I wish I felt the Spirit in my darkest times. I just wish I felt like someone was with me in my deepest dark
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Hey Jessica-- I don't really know you but I was saddened by your post here. I think because I understand it. It sounds like a little depression? I've battled with it on and off my whole life and it's terrible. Poor Jason-- he's never been depressed so it's hard for him to relate to my super dark times but he tries and that's what matters. I found this quote in my scriptures... maybe it can help... "No matter how serious the trial, how deep the distress, how great the affliction, God will NEVER desert us. He never has and He never will. He cannot do it. It is not His character to do so. He is an unchangeable being; the same yesterday, the same today, and He will be the same throughout the eternal ages to come. We have found that God. We have made Him our friend, by obeying His Gospel; and He will stand by us. We may pass through the fiery furnace; we may pass through deep waters; by we shall not be consumed nor overwhelmed. We shall emerge from all these trials and difficulties the better and purer for them, if we only trust in our God and keep His commandments." --George Q. Cannon. I think sometimes we get so trapped in the dark that it's hard for the Spirit to get in. But maybe if we can remember God is trying and showing up in different ways, like through our husbands or children we can realize those are his ways of letting us know he's still there. Let me know if I can help. PS-- you're a great, GREAT mom!!! I can tell!!!!
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