Accomplishments

So this morning at about 7:00 I was lying in bed thinking I was awake (in retrospect I was still very much asleep) and I was writing a blog in my head. I was thinking about what I wanted to blog but I was actually watching my fingers hit each note on the keyboard. Then I would drive myself crazy because I was going too slow so I would just start saying what I wanted to write. It was very bizarre!! Anyway, so I wanted to take a moment to talk about a huge accomplishment I've made, and I hope this blog doesn't make anyone feel bad (I'll explain why later).

For the past year I have been able to breastfeed Zoe, this is a HUGE accomplishment for me and a HUGE testimony builder as well. Let me explain why, I wasn't able to nurse my first two girls. I nursed Hailey for three weeks and the last two days were terrible but I didn't dare tell Randy I didn't want to nurse her anymore (I'm not particularly sure why). But I finally told him I would rather bash my head in with a rock then feed her. Thankfully he was very understanding (I was serious about the bashing head thing). So the whole experience with Hailey wasn't good, then I had Katie and while I was in the hospital I had a really hard time with it. I remember I felt like I started right where I finished off with Hailey. The nurses had the lactation consultant come in and she was there for 45 minutes and she was insane! I was so frustrated by the time she left that I just broke down and bawled for about 45 minutes. So while I was in the hospital I decided that I wanted to enjoy this baby and I didn't think I would be able to if I nursed her. Well, I always felt a little guilty that I didn't really give her a good try, so when I was pregnant with Zoe I decided that I was really going to give it my best shot. Here comes the testimony building part. As the due date got closer I kept telling Randy that I didn't want any help from nurses or anybody, if I was going to nurse her it would be between me, Zoe and the Lord. For any of you who have had children, most the time the nurses will ask you if it's your first child or not, then they usually ask if you are breastfeeding, or not. Well, they asked me if this was my first, I would tell them, no this is my third. Then they would ask if I was breastfeeding, when I told them yes, I think they figured that I had nursed the other two and that I was a pro. Thankfully no one asked if I nursed the other two, until they were giving me the "checkout" speeches. Anyway, I remember while I was in the hospital I would pray for help before I nursed her. It sounds a little stupid, but I was kind of scared to nurse Zoe because of my prior experiences. I remember the day after I had her was a particularly bad day. I was lonely and I really wanted Randy with me but he was home with the other two and we didn't have a babysitter. I was having a hard time with nursing her and I was getting very frustrated. So I prayed and I told myself I needed to relax, so I listened to my I-pod nano and looked out the window at the scenery. I also had to erase everything I had read or heard about nursing and just went on instincts, best thing I did I think.

Anyway, to make an already long story short, I've been able to nurse Zoe this whole time and it's such an amazing thing for me. I still can't believe sometimes that I was actually able to do it. I can't say I've always enjoyed it, in fact about 6 months ago I wanted to stop soooo bad, but I knew I would regret it. Now, I'm a little sad to think I'll be done. Now the reason I hope this doesn't offend anyone is because it's pushed so hard everywhere to nurse your baby, and I believe it causes feelings of failure for those that can't breastfeed. For anyone who hasn't been able to or didn't want to breastfeed their baby, I know how you feel. I have been on both sides of this issue and I know from personal experience, breastfeeding isn't for everyone. It's not an easy thing, and if you can't nurse your child, DON"T EVER LET ANYONE MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY!! Breastfeeding your child isn't the most important thing in life, what's important is that your baby is loved!! It always bugs me when women are so fixed on one way or the other! Anyway, this whole experience has been a testimony builder that when you really put your life in Heavenly Fathers hands, trust in him, and fully accept that you can't do it without him you can do anything!!

I am thankful for my little one, and for her presence in our home this past year. I'm thankful to my Heavenly Father for the help I have received with her and with my other two children. I love my family so much, they mean the world to me. I'm thankful to all my friends, for your love and support. I'm also grateful for my extended family and my in-laws, they are all wonderful!!
So, this post has been kind of a weird one, oh well, I guess it suits me then doesn't it!!